You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
