What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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