I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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