I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
