I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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