As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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