somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
