Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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