awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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