Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
