sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
