Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
this hospital has no fireball
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
