Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot

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(818): View more from California

And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.

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(330): View more from Ohio

When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...

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(406): View more from Montana

Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in

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(516): View more from New York

It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post

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(316): View more from Kansas

I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.

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(415): View more from California

Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.

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(917): View more from New York City

She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon

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