Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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