does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
