just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
