Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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