There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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