he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
