drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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