somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
