Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize