Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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