I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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