News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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