from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Houston, we have a blender
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
