I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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