Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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