Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Randomize
