loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
