That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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