When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
