oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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