Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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