I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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