the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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