dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
