So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize