yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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