that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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