...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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