Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
