I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
