I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
