Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
