she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
