is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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