Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
