Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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