you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
