My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So much rum. So many feels.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
