Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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