Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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