i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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