Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We are two peas in an std pod
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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