I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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