apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
