Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
