I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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