ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize