Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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