Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
