can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
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His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
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You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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