I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
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