Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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