That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
