A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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