dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
