Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.